Message Within the Message
A word for all, at some point or another in this journey. Particularly to my sisters, but can be cross-pollinated for my brothers...
I just wanted to take a moment to inspire and encourage your dignity and self-worth. Something this world and men will rarely do for you, so it's something you have to engrain in your being and stand in it confidently.
First, a thought about following up after a breakup…
Whenever you need to break something off with someone, you ideally want to clearly state as short as possible, and without talking about feelings, etc, that you are done and no more contact.
Then, if they continue to try to reach you, you should not reply and everything their thoughts or questions, because it otherwise weakens your initial words and respect for your position (except if there is important business to manage with them in the breakup).
This helps them get to the point of accepting your position and begin to get on with their life, and it forces them to respect your words when you say something. You shouldn't have to repeat yourself. So don't.
You are an adult, and a very respectable person, and oftentimes with men, you have to command that respect by standing up for yourself and speaking clearly once, and then holding to it when they say or do things contrary to your wishes.
Your lengthy replies after breaking things off will often be emotional, with a lot of feelings expressed in various ways, and probably more like a venting of a little bit of pressure buildup. In the future, vent to a trusted friend or confidant, and keep your previous last word to the other person as your standing word that must be respected and adhered to. You want that clear NO to be the last thing they hear, not your feelings.
Now, a thought about ongoing situations…
I would say the previous similarly about ongoing situations you may be in. For those who are separated from controlling, dictating people, I believe you need to tell the person that from now on, you will only be asked if you can do something and not told what you will do with your time, your days off, your resources. And you will consider whatever is being asked and you reserve the right to decline. (There is a loving, godly way to state this without being rude or mean.)
And in addition to this, if you are asked to do anything outside of business things, please remember that if you say Yes, you are opening a door and giving hope that you are interested and willing for things. So be sure that's the message you want him to have, because that's the message you are sending. A Yes will be a huge, loud message of hope to him, and will reverse some of the previous message you've been trying to get across to him.
If you want him, then Yes is good, if you're ready for it. If you don't want him or haven't decided yet, the Yes will be a big step backwards, for you, and for his respect for your feelings. You will have empowered him some, and delayed his healing process of beginning to move on with his life…if that's the direction you and the Holy Spirit decide.
I just want you to remember these things: know yourself, stand up for it, don't let people dictate your life, and be aware of the message you are sending people when you talk, text and spend time with them.
...
Eagles Point
A safe place of rest
I just wanted to take a moment to inspire and encourage your dignity and self-worth. Something this world and men will rarely do for you, so it's something you have to engrain in your being and stand in it confidently.
First, a thought about following up after a breakup…
Whenever you need to break something off with someone, you ideally want to clearly state as short as possible, and without talking about feelings, etc, that you are done and no more contact.
Then, if they continue to try to reach you, you should not reply and everything their thoughts or questions, because it otherwise weakens your initial words and respect for your position (except if there is important business to manage with them in the breakup).
This helps them get to the point of accepting your position and begin to get on with their life, and it forces them to respect your words when you say something. You shouldn't have to repeat yourself. So don't.
You are an adult, and a very respectable person, and oftentimes with men, you have to command that respect by standing up for yourself and speaking clearly once, and then holding to it when they say or do things contrary to your wishes.
Your lengthy replies after breaking things off will often be emotional, with a lot of feelings expressed in various ways, and probably more like a venting of a little bit of pressure buildup. In the future, vent to a trusted friend or confidant, and keep your previous last word to the other person as your standing word that must be respected and adhered to. You want that clear NO to be the last thing they hear, not your feelings.
Now, a thought about ongoing situations…
I would say the previous similarly about ongoing situations you may be in. For those who are separated from controlling, dictating people, I believe you need to tell the person that from now on, you will only be asked if you can do something and not told what you will do with your time, your days off, your resources. And you will consider whatever is being asked and you reserve the right to decline. (There is a loving, godly way to state this without being rude or mean.)
And in addition to this, if you are asked to do anything outside of business things, please remember that if you say Yes, you are opening a door and giving hope that you are interested and willing for things. So be sure that's the message you want him to have, because that's the message you are sending. A Yes will be a huge, loud message of hope to him, and will reverse some of the previous message you've been trying to get across to him.
If you want him, then Yes is good, if you're ready for it. If you don't want him or haven't decided yet, the Yes will be a big step backwards, for you, and for his respect for your feelings. You will have empowered him some, and delayed his healing process of beginning to move on with his life…if that's the direction you and the Holy Spirit decide.
I just want you to remember these things: know yourself, stand up for it, don't let people dictate your life, and be aware of the message you are sending people when you talk, text and spend time with them.
...
Eagles Point
A safe place of rest
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