The Art and Science of Relationship
Some people take a scientific approach to things that are innately an art. And while there is a science to relationships, it is at its core an art.
There’s nothing wrong with plans, fixes, solution-searching, assessment, and the like. All these things are necessary, vital aspects of working and growing a relationship. The art of relationship depends upon scientific aspects to help keep it well.
However, when there is brokenness or other serious issues in the relationship itself that run deep beneath the surface, there is no scientific focus that can reach and heal that. Science may be able to operate on the physical heart, but it cannot with the heart of a person, and the heart of a relationship.
The heart of a person is the core determination of the health of a relationship. The Bible says for us to guard our hearts because out of the heart flow the issues of life. Each person has to not only have their heart in it, but be willing to work on their hearts for change where they fall short morally and ethically. Now, for those things that are more personality and style, the two must determine if they are compatible, and in the areas they aren’t, they must decide if they are willing to change for one another, or if the other is able to accept those things if they don’t change.
In summation, each person has to be aware of their must-have and can’t-have list, mostly centered around the kind of person to be in relationship. (We should try not to be too superficial with our musts lists.) Remember, you have to live with and do life with this person every day the rest of your life. There needs to be some things that are just not acceptable to open your entire heart and life to. But we have to know what we’re looking at, and looking for, and really needing. This takes a maturity and help from God to make sure we have good perspective.
If the two have their core needs (musts) matching and compatible with each other, then they can take the next step and look at vision and lifestyle. This is where science comes into play, and negotiating and making changes to make for peaceful and compatible living and direction in life. Housekeeping, child caretaking, days off time together, dinners sitting down together, when devices and phones are off/away, bedtimes, travel/getaways, hobbies, individual interests supported by the other, careers, ministry service for each, etc.
These things can all be approached scientifically and worked out, but Only if the heart is in the right place. Otherwise, there is no plan, no steps, no “solution” that will ever fix on a scientific level what can only be approached and reached on an arts level…the level of the heart, the fabric of relationship. A person’s heart will always end up coming through everything that is done, said, not done, not said, through faded promises, neglect, lack of the ability to deeply engage or connect, instability, procrastinating change and improvement, and the passion behind building dreams and lives together.
Marriage is not about being married. It’s about being one with someone. Truly one. Some people want to be married, but they have no idea what it means to dissolve themselves into another person and be recreated with them as a new, singular being. They mistakenly think they can build a life that looks and sounds really good on paper, but is nothing more than a fancy business arrangement, often self-serving at that. They aren’t basing the marriage on the oneness of heart, but rather an agreement or arrangement of a set of rules or guidelines.
They are the blueprints of glass houses, which can be amazing in a very perfect setting. But this world is a rough, cruel world, and life is simply not perfect. There will be storms, there will be rocks, even boulders, thrown, there will be attacks and external forces coming…and those glass houses will come down, shattered.
But the marriages based on oneness of heart oftentimes don’t even need to discuss rules or guidelines, even though they come in handy from time to time. Because they are in it for the betterment of each other as one, and for the well-being of their spouse more than even themselves. These are the ones that can work through any difference, any obstacle, any circumstance, utilizing science when needed to protect and strengthen the whole of their union. And this is the art of relationship.
...
Eagles Point
A safe place of rest
There’s nothing wrong with plans, fixes, solution-searching, assessment, and the like. All these things are necessary, vital aspects of working and growing a relationship. The art of relationship depends upon scientific aspects to help keep it well.
However, when there is brokenness or other serious issues in the relationship itself that run deep beneath the surface, there is no scientific focus that can reach and heal that. Science may be able to operate on the physical heart, but it cannot with the heart of a person, and the heart of a relationship.
The heart of a person is the core determination of the health of a relationship. The Bible says for us to guard our hearts because out of the heart flow the issues of life. Each person has to not only have their heart in it, but be willing to work on their hearts for change where they fall short morally and ethically. Now, for those things that are more personality and style, the two must determine if they are compatible, and in the areas they aren’t, they must decide if they are willing to change for one another, or if the other is able to accept those things if they don’t change.
In summation, each person has to be aware of their must-have and can’t-have list, mostly centered around the kind of person to be in relationship. (We should try not to be too superficial with our musts lists.) Remember, you have to live with and do life with this person every day the rest of your life. There needs to be some things that are just not acceptable to open your entire heart and life to. But we have to know what we’re looking at, and looking for, and really needing. This takes a maturity and help from God to make sure we have good perspective.
If the two have their core needs (musts) matching and compatible with each other, then they can take the next step and look at vision and lifestyle. This is where science comes into play, and negotiating and making changes to make for peaceful and compatible living and direction in life. Housekeeping, child caretaking, days off time together, dinners sitting down together, when devices and phones are off/away, bedtimes, travel/getaways, hobbies, individual interests supported by the other, careers, ministry service for each, etc.
These things can all be approached scientifically and worked out, but Only if the heart is in the right place. Otherwise, there is no plan, no steps, no “solution” that will ever fix on a scientific level what can only be approached and reached on an arts level…the level of the heart, the fabric of relationship. A person’s heart will always end up coming through everything that is done, said, not done, not said, through faded promises, neglect, lack of the ability to deeply engage or connect, instability, procrastinating change and improvement, and the passion behind building dreams and lives together.
Marriage is not about being married. It’s about being one with someone. Truly one. Some people want to be married, but they have no idea what it means to dissolve themselves into another person and be recreated with them as a new, singular being. They mistakenly think they can build a life that looks and sounds really good on paper, but is nothing more than a fancy business arrangement, often self-serving at that. They aren’t basing the marriage on the oneness of heart, but rather an agreement or arrangement of a set of rules or guidelines.
They are the blueprints of glass houses, which can be amazing in a very perfect setting. But this world is a rough, cruel world, and life is simply not perfect. There will be storms, there will be rocks, even boulders, thrown, there will be attacks and external forces coming…and those glass houses will come down, shattered.
But the marriages based on oneness of heart oftentimes don’t even need to discuss rules or guidelines, even though they come in handy from time to time. Because they are in it for the betterment of each other as one, and for the well-being of their spouse more than even themselves. These are the ones that can work through any difference, any obstacle, any circumstance, utilizing science when needed to protect and strengthen the whole of their union. And this is the art of relationship.
...
Eagles Point
A safe place of rest
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