How Does It Feel?

And there it was. A call made, a discussion had, and it was good and it was well.

In the past, it would have gone a lot differently. Rooted in fear, inordinate worry over people's feelings, and decision-making based in poor personal boundary maintenance.

All centered in ever-subtle, unwillingly-denoted codependency.

While exhibiting itself in a variety of ways from person to person, my own experience reveals that it masquerades as compassion, care, thoughtfulness, sensitivity to people's feelings and needs, and willingness to sacrifice.

For years, decades, growing and living in an internal culture of self-absorption and genuine care for God and people, inconveniently woven together with desires of home, career and ministry coupled with an almost-inability to facilitate any of them.

Why? And how? A very particular area, in my case, of lacking surrender and trust. And the vice grip I maintained on this coveted dream vice-gripped my life from its full potential and expression.

And the collateral damage was others near me, including some of the ones I cared about most.

Each of us are called to come to a place of surrender to God where it's firstly because He is worthy. Period. Secondly, in turn, it enables us to come to the healthiest places of our heart and life in the process.

We end up having our own walk with God, not living on and depending upon someone else's. We have our own morals and standards, and we are not easily swayed by people or situations to steer away from them. Because our idol, our most-treasured, is God Himself, not a person or thing. So, we are less apt to sacrifice our values. We rather become capable of sacrificing those things even most dear to us to Him. For His sake...and frankly, for our health's sake.

And thankfully, this is the best thing for anyone in our lives as well.

It enables them to be free of our leaching, and it frees them to move forward in their walk with or towards God themselves, wherever they are in their journey.

We are free from codependency...idolizing a person or situation or relationship status or conditions, hanging emotionally by a thread, on every word, interaction, hoping things will be okay, stay okay, or become okay again.

We are free from succumbing to abuse, one-sidedness, abandonment, unhealthy inconsistency.

We become more freely capable, ironically, of supporting one another's dreams, goals, callings, friendships, endeavors, without jealousy, fear of loss or being second to them, and we are able to more than ever be genuinely happy for them and want it all for them.

Wow.

Unhealthy conditions:

Abuse, fear, insecurity, inconsistent behavior, no vision for future/path, no clear direction in/for the relationship or life, having lonely moments even with the other person. I could go on.

So. How does it feel? To be well? Healthily balanced within? Free from such a looming, sometimes dormant but ever-present emotional condition?

How does it feel to learn, get used to what healthy connection, relationship, boundaries, and the word No (gently, but firmly as needed)?

And without worry, without feeling a deficit, or fear of loss?

How does it feel to have healthy, safe boundaries? How do those boundaries feel around the heart? Not constricting the heart, not walling it off from intimate, loving connection...but just safely guarding, watching over, and embracing gently.

It is an experience, a state-of-being worth fighting for, living for, working to maintain daily...and enjoying every moment of the freedom it affords.

...

Eagles Point

A safe place of rest.