Missing God (In Relationships)
I can’t believe it. How could I have not seen that coming? What was I thinking? I thought this was the real deal. He said this…she did that…we agreed. I never would have guessed…I never would have thought…
The realm of courtship and special relationship in general is truly its own animal. For those who seek to be in touch with the Holy Spirit can easily turn courtship into a hyper-spiritualized, pseudo-religious existence that has more rules and webs and bars of iron than any of the freedom that the Spirit of the Lord truly grants when His presence is near.
Truthfully, the first thing we need to do is just stop. And stop it. The over-analyzing, the self-beatings, the condemnation, the guilt. Whenever we decide to enter into a special relationship with someone, we in fact take a risk because we are exposing the most intimate regions of our soul to someone that we don’t completely know. It’s a risk that the reward dictates is worth it, but it is a risk nonetheless.
No matter how in touch we are with the Holy Spirit and even for those who are significantly used by Him, there will always be regions of the soul and areas of life where we are going to not catch everything every time just right. Especially in areas where the soul’s emotions and deepest desires reside. We can get better at managing this area and the overall decision-making, but the fact is that there will always be occasions where we are prone to allowing what we know and see and feel guide us.
And if we were deceived, misled, or otherwise found to be in a situation with someone that wasn’t what we thought could be with that person and their behaviors or lifestyle and ways, it does not necessarily mean we “missed God”, as some of us say. There is far more bandwidth in the breadth of His arms and reach in our lives to live and learn and grow and experience a wide variety of things as we ratchet our way through life in His will and path.
Now, there is a couple more sides to this. A friend recently reminded me that the more we split hairs and dissect what that perfect person that God is going to bring to us is supposed to be like, the more we may find ourselves operating in a way that limits us from seeing who may actually be a great compatible companion to us. We want to try to avoid putting people on a razor’s edge of walking a very perfect, particular line.
But of course, this is never to diminish the few non-negotiables we should hold to. We must ultimately be true to ourselves. And we can in fact get better at listening to the Holy Spirit when seeking out possible situations with people.
Ultimately, it is all about balance. Life is always a balancing act. We balance the fact that there is risk involved, we will not always know everything accurately and completely upfront, we keep to certain moral and integrity-based standards while not putting people on a perfection-based trial in nuance or more surface things, we try to grow more patient and capable of handling imperfection or rejection for the future by seeking more independent delight in God personally, and we try not to put so much pressure on relationships to keep them from becoming idols…which always fail us in the end in some way.
None of this is easy, no matter how simple we break it down. And there are more moving parts for those who have experienced devastation or trauma in this arena. But it really does come down to allowing God to strengthen our spirit and mend our soul in our past and current situations, and trying to shift the emphasis towards God and away from that relationship thing that we seek and love and want so much.
Remember, even the things that God promises or gives directly from His hand are subject to submission and surrender to God Himself. We can never assume that there are things that come from God that we take and run with. He is always everything. Not just the first thing. Everything. Even the only thing.
Again, not something that we perfect in this life, but it is a goal that helps us come closer to center in our journey, and eases the strains and torments of the things we endure while walking on our path.
May the Holy Spirit bring light and clarity to you wherever you find yourself in this. He is our gravity, our solidarity, even if nothing else is clear or firm right now. He will be there, beneath your feet. You did not miss God. He was always right there, never leaving nor forsaking you. He loves you and adores you too much. Just fall into Him, again.
...
Eagles Point | A safe place of rest...
The realm of courtship and special relationship in general is truly its own animal. For those who seek to be in touch with the Holy Spirit can easily turn courtship into a hyper-spiritualized, pseudo-religious existence that has more rules and webs and bars of iron than any of the freedom that the Spirit of the Lord truly grants when His presence is near.
Truthfully, the first thing we need to do is just stop. And stop it. The over-analyzing, the self-beatings, the condemnation, the guilt. Whenever we decide to enter into a special relationship with someone, we in fact take a risk because we are exposing the most intimate regions of our soul to someone that we don’t completely know. It’s a risk that the reward dictates is worth it, but it is a risk nonetheless.
No matter how in touch we are with the Holy Spirit and even for those who are significantly used by Him, there will always be regions of the soul and areas of life where we are going to not catch everything every time just right. Especially in areas where the soul’s emotions and deepest desires reside. We can get better at managing this area and the overall decision-making, but the fact is that there will always be occasions where we are prone to allowing what we know and see and feel guide us.
And if we were deceived, misled, or otherwise found to be in a situation with someone that wasn’t what we thought could be with that person and their behaviors or lifestyle and ways, it does not necessarily mean we “missed God”, as some of us say. There is far more bandwidth in the breadth of His arms and reach in our lives to live and learn and grow and experience a wide variety of things as we ratchet our way through life in His will and path.
Now, there is a couple more sides to this. A friend recently reminded me that the more we split hairs and dissect what that perfect person that God is going to bring to us is supposed to be like, the more we may find ourselves operating in a way that limits us from seeing who may actually be a great compatible companion to us. We want to try to avoid putting people on a razor’s edge of walking a very perfect, particular line.
But of course, this is never to diminish the few non-negotiables we should hold to. We must ultimately be true to ourselves. And we can in fact get better at listening to the Holy Spirit when seeking out possible situations with people.
Ultimately, it is all about balance. Life is always a balancing act. We balance the fact that there is risk involved, we will not always know everything accurately and completely upfront, we keep to certain moral and integrity-based standards while not putting people on a perfection-based trial in nuance or more surface things, we try to grow more patient and capable of handling imperfection or rejection for the future by seeking more independent delight in God personally, and we try not to put so much pressure on relationships to keep them from becoming idols…which always fail us in the end in some way.
None of this is easy, no matter how simple we break it down. And there are more moving parts for those who have experienced devastation or trauma in this arena. But it really does come down to allowing God to strengthen our spirit and mend our soul in our past and current situations, and trying to shift the emphasis towards God and away from that relationship thing that we seek and love and want so much.
Remember, even the things that God promises or gives directly from His hand are subject to submission and surrender to God Himself. We can never assume that there are things that come from God that we take and run with. He is always everything. Not just the first thing. Everything. Even the only thing.
Again, not something that we perfect in this life, but it is a goal that helps us come closer to center in our journey, and eases the strains and torments of the things we endure while walking on our path.
May the Holy Spirit bring light and clarity to you wherever you find yourself in this. He is our gravity, our solidarity, even if nothing else is clear or firm right now. He will be there, beneath your feet. You did not miss God. He was always right there, never leaving nor forsaking you. He loves you and adores you too much. Just fall into Him, again.
...
Eagles Point | A safe place of rest...
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