One-Legged Walk

Healthy relationships are a two-way street. Both must be willing to commit and invest, and beyond just when the feelings or schedules are most convenient. If only one of the two legs is willing to walk most of the time, it will become weary and even strained. It will eventually break down and either fatigue will affect the desire to walk any further, or injury will prevent it. One leg was never meant to carry the entire body.

Let’s take a moment in the safety of God’s grace and presence, in the unhazed mirror of humble honesty, and think for a moment about the way we relate. Here are a few simple, practical questions we can ask ourselves that may seem a little silly, but they may tell a bit of a story about a little or a lot of where our heart really is…

Think about your significant other for a moment…What about when he or she needs you more, or is feeling a little left out or lonely for you, or just needs to talk for a moment? Does it always have to center around your moment of feeling or when you are bored? Is your spouse the last resort for you? If you have three people calling or messaging you, one of them your spouse, which one gets first place or the most respect and honor? Do you hang up from your spouse every time someone else is calling? Do you ever hang up on someone else for the sake of your spouse calling?

These may seem petty or somewhat irrelevant, but we just want to ask honest, reflective questions that help us evaluate where our hearts are, and if our actions and behaviors (the much louder of voices between this and our words) are saying something different than what we really want to say.

We cannot use the excuse that someone just knows it. First, people aren't mind-readers. And no matter if you say it, your actions and attitudes and behaviors are just as important to be saying the words I love you and I respect you. We are commanded to love one another by God in an active sense, by definition.

Further, the foundation of a healthy relationship is love and respect. And these two things are not feelings. They certainly often have feelings attached to them, but the feelings are not required to be felt 100% of the time.

Love and respect are verbs first. They are in our conduct and behaviors. They are commitment-based, not just emotion-based.

By the way, if we find ourselves like this with our spouses, it's good to ask ourselves why. Did we allow laziness or assumption to creep in? Do we really love our spouse as our one and only? Are we keeping an eye out around us a little? Have we developed bad habits in communication and conflict resolution? Were we affected by traumatic relationships or experiences where we hide the truth or our feelings or ourselves when we are hurting?

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You know, we have to allow our hearts to be open and available to the possibility of true love, no matter what our past was. And we will have to take some courageous steps occasionally out from our hiding places and carved out coves, and set pride and control aside a little, in order to meet our partner in the middle.
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So, if we really want that person we are connecting with, let's walk with them every step of the way. If we don't, it'll kill or lose the relationship. We can't just come out in the good times but hide in the difficult times. This is a two-legged walk. Your part is one leg, and your companion is the other. Now pick your foot up, and swing it forward.

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