The War Within

I am a support, a resource, a helper. Therefore, I am valuable. There is joy. Laughter. Peace. Meaningfulness. Purpose. Direction. There is contact, fulfillment of need, reflection, synergy.

Until my services have completed their course.

I am no longer needed.

I am isolated. I am alone. There is none within the lunge of my reach. Hallowed walls and emptied halls remain. Only the memory of previous occupancy abides in lonely rooms, wherein emptiness fills the air with memories and feelings once felt. I am not needed now. So there is nothing left. But to find something, someone else that needs my help?

Maybe I will go now and find a need by discovering a deficit I can fill. Or create a need by exceeding the baseline somewhere.

Or maybe I will sit alone.

…and I am visited, by One who offers to sit with me.

If I allow myself, I can hear a beam of light pierce the overflowing caverns within, singing the melody of truth. But I have to stop to capture it…

I have value. I have purpose. Not because I am needed. But because I am desired. There is One, staring through the lattice, as a deer through a gate. Declaring Himself the Lover of my soul. Declaring me the apple of His eye. I am the object of this One’s affection, the pursuit of His heart.

I have been walked back home, after having sought the fields of labor as my bedding.

The refrains ring…

The embrace of one’s gifts can be a false acceptance of one’s person.

The core of true need is want.

Jesus, be my want as I am Yours.

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