More Than Just a Male Spouse

I cannot tell you how much I have considered the depths of marital commitment and investment in deep deliberation with God over the years. I came across the following and copied it for the most part. It's so good, I have to get it out here in some way. I cannot find the source anywhere, but I want to affirm that the way this is brought out is not original to me. I will be glad to update this post once/if I figure it out.

Until then, let us be bold in our addressing the difference between a husband and a male spouse. This is meant to be a wake-up call to those of us who are not meeting the standard, and a sharpening instrument to those of us who are.

Most Men Are Not Husbands—They’re Just Male Spouses

  • Let’s talk like men.
  • You think you’re a husband because you paid bride price?
  • Because you signed a certificate?
  • Because you show up to bed every night?
  • You’re not a husband.
  • You’re a male spouse.
  • There’s a difference.

1. A Husband Is Already Dead

  • Dead to pettiness.
  • Dead to impulse.
  • Dead to “I must be right.”
  • A real husband doesn’t react to every emotion his wife throws.
  • He absorbs chaos—and gives back structure.
  • He doesn’t need validation to lead.
  • He is the foundation.
  • And foundations don’t shake.
  • If you’re always defending yourself…
  • Always trying to win arguments…
  • Always waiting for her to “earn” your love?
  • You’re not dead yet.
  • And you’re not ready.

2. She’s Not Submitting Because You’re a Storm

  • Let’s be honest...
  • No woman should submit to confusion.
  • To emotional whiplash.
  • To a man with no mission, no order, no backbone.
  • She can’t follow you if you don’t know where you’re going.
  • You want submission?
  • Get your life in order.
  • Heal your childhood wounds.
  • Fix your finances.
  • Get a mentor if you missed a father.
  • Because masculinity without mastery is just noise.
  • And no queen submits to chaos.

3. We Expect Women to Grow—But Men Stay Boys

  • We demand:
    • Girls become ladies
    • Ladies become wives
    • Wives become mothers
  • But men?
  • We skip the journey.
  • We marry boys to women—and call it love.
  • Then act shocked when the woman is burnt out from cleaning up after a grown child.
  • She’s not your mother.
  • She’s your wife.
  • Act like it.

4. Your Wife Is Not Your Equal—She’s Your First Daughter

  • Not in worth.
  • In responsibility.
  • You’re the head.
  • The gardener.
  • The guide.
  • The one who holds the weight.
  • She will frustrate you.
  • She will test you.
  • She will cry without telling you why.
  • But if you’re easily provoked, unstable, and entitled to obedience?
  • You don’t need a wife.
  • You need therapy—or mentorship.
  • Because nurturing a woman takes patience.
  • And if you’re not man enough to hold space,
  • You’ll never lead from strength.

5. You Want Her to Do Everything—While You Do Nothing

  • You both work.
  • You both earn.
  • But she:
    • Cooks
    • Bathes the kids
    • Runs the errands
    • Manages the house
  • And still has to deal with your entitlement?
  • That’s not leadership.
  • That’s laziness.
  • Structure isn’t just authority—it’s service.
  • So either balance the load or shut up about how “modern women are not submissive.”
  • You’ve turned her into a mule.
  • Then call her “disrespectful” for breaking down.

6. Stop Building a Kingdom on Lies

  • You cheat “because men are like that.”
  • You lie “to protect her.”
  • You flirt online “for ego.”
  • You think your woman is immune to temptation?
  • She sees the 6-packs.
  • The DMs.
  • The options.
  • She stays because she’s loyal to the home—not to your foolishness.
  • Don’t mistake her silence for stupidity.
  • Don’t weaponize her patience against her.
  • And stop playing the victim in a game you’re rigging.

Final Word: You’re Not a Husband Until You’re a Builder

  • A builder of peace.
  • A builder of vision.
  • A builder of legacy.
  • It’s not her job to make you a man.
  • It’s not her job to fix your past.
  • It’s not her job to carry the full weight of your brokenness.
  • Lead like a husband.
  • Love like a father.
  • Sacrifice like a savior.
  • Because until you die to boyhood?
  • You’re just a man who married.
  • Not a man who became.

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